How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
