you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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