I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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