i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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