you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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