Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
