I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
