I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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