Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
