i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
