I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
