So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
