I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
