Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
