So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
