So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's just like the Real World with babies
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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