Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
