Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
