i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
3 2 1 whiskey
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
