that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
