Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Randomize
