I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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