How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
