I hate your face
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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