I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
