the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize