clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
