i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Say something about gay babies.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
