And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
