I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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