Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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