I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
