This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
