Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
