Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
