Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
