I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
