My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
