we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
