A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize