Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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