Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
