My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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