it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
