brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
