i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
