i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
