thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
