You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
where are you?
Hypothermia
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
