I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
