You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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