matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
