don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
