anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
