dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
