I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
