i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize