Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
should my penis look like a turkey
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
