My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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