I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
