Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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