Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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