You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
