Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
