yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Let's get the cat blown out
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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