you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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