I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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