I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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