i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
