my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
