This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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