I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
