you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize