He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
