Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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