shes about as inviting as chlamydia
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
