you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
