So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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