At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
