All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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