4 words: hood of his car
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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