I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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