The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
