The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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