it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
