I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
