i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
