So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
