i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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