would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
