And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
