i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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