just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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