The maid of honor just puked.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
