there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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