I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
