Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
