just tell him i said nine months
i can't believe i had my finger in that
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize