My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
