I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize