well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
