i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
