i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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