I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
