Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize